Koko Pirate Hooker
by Cioux Tronique
Summary: OMG. Br00tal Scene Queen Koko Kurse gets stuck in the pirate world with our beloved Jack. Like, WTF d00d? Is she really as hardxcore as she says? First story, please give it a shot!
1. Chapter 1

**A.N.: Hai. This is my first fic, and I'm trés nervous. One-shot, mind. Flame if necessary. First chapter really really short, but eh... Scene Queen Koko Kurse gets shoved into a grubby pirate world. She's not as hardxcore as she says she is. LOL. Kthanxbai. ;)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Disney. I don't own POTC, Jerry Bruckheimer does. But I do happen to own Jack's coveted ba... Never mind, actually. grins On with the show.**

**CHAPTER ONE**

**KOKO KURSE...SHE'S SO HARDXCORE.**

"OMFG... I'm so fucking pissed," Koko Kurse sighed to the webcam. She was on a live broadcast on Stickam with her companion Katie Khemical. They were lounging in the 15 year old's bedroom, armed with Bacardi and cigarettes. Koko was pale with choppy black hair with multicoloured extentions. She wore yellow neon skinnies and a Gloomy Bear hoodie. Katie looked basically the same only with blonde choppy hair and a Bring Me The Horizon t-shirt and green skinnies.

They were what was described to the world as typical Scene Queens. They were basically pissed off teenagers rocking the nu-emo look. They're too hardxcore to move they're perfectly made up faces so they talk in a very monotone voice with lots of web abbreviations like LOL and WTF - coz they're so hardxcore.

"Check out the femo," Katie said as an emo boy entered their chat.

"'sup nigz," he said, a side fringe covering most of his face.

"Wha'up femo," Koko said.

"I'm not femo, scenester!"

"Show your wrists. Bet you don't cut 'em, femo," Katie prompted.

"You guys are just scene fags!" he exclaimed and signed out.

"What up with all the fucking femos?" Koko said.

Katie shrugged. "I'm BOF. Let's go out," she said.

"Whatever," Koko said and signed out of Stickam, "OMFG, like, check out all the pic comments I got on Myspace. Gays."

Three and a half hours later the girls were dressed in heels, fishnet tights, tank tops and tutus, with neon eyeliner and pink lipstick.

"Where are we going?" Koko asked.

"The hardcore show. Duh," Katie replied.

"LMAO, you stupid shit," Koko said,"You don't even know what a hardcore show is."

The two girls ended up hanging around outside the local, smoking and looking like glorified neon prostitutes.

A couple of scene guys came ambling towards them.

"OMG. Check out the scene fags," Koko said, flicking back her extentions.

"NFW, they're straight," Katie said.

"'sup nigz," one said. He wore a large oversized hoodie and skinny jeans. His hair was arranged Nikki Sixx style, so that he looked like some kind of wolf child.

"Hai," Katie said, "You're pretty fucking hardxcore."

"Yeah. I'm Max Massacre. You?"

"Katie Khemical," she told him, "And that's Koko Kurse."

"With a C?" the other scene dood said to Koko. He looked pretty much identical to Max Massacre.

"No, fucktard, with a K," Koko said moodily and took a long drag of her ciggie.

"I'm Benny Br00tal," he told Koko.

"That is _such _a scenester name," Koko replied.

"You on Myspace?" he asked, taking out a pack of fags of his own and lighting one up.

"Yes, of course, you shiztard."

"How many friends you got?"

"9302735794943039092. You?"

Benny blinked. "Yeah, about that," he said, "You into Trashy Life?"

"Trashy Life is overrated," Koko rolled her eyes. She looked over towards Katie, but she and Max were already fully making out.

"OMG, like, slut," she said, and half turned her attention back to Benny.

"So what are you into?" he asked.

"I dunno...um, pirates, I guess."

"Pirate hookers?" Benny suggested.

"LOL, very funny," she said dully, "I like pirates. They're pretty hardxcore."

"_Pirates of the Caribbean_?"

"LOL, fuck out with all that Disney shit. I mean scene pirates, duh."

"They're pretty scene."

"Well... I guess that Johnny Depp dood is pretty xgore. But only a little... OMFG, I'm so bored."

"You wanna come to my car?" Benny suggested.

"What, so I can fuck you in the backseat? NFW, fag," Koko said, crossing her arms.

"No, dood, you look cold. Come on," he said and began walking toward a large Range Rover. Koko reluctantly followed, as drunks were beginning to pile out of the pub, and she knew if she stayed any longer, she'd get gang raped.

Koko got into the Rover with great difficulty, because of the size of her hair. She had to slide down in the seat so that she would fit in the car and not crush her perfectly arranged barnet.

"You're hair's pretty rad," Benny said.

"Thanks. Yours is kinda," Koko said. She opened the window and threw her fag out.

"Hey, all the stars are out tonight," Benny said, "You want me to take you somewhere really rad?"

"Is it a rave?"

"No."

"KK, let's go then."

"Dood," Koko said, standing in the grass, "This is a fuckin' field."

"Come on, I wanna show you something," Benny said and started walking across the field.

"Oh my fucking God..." she sighed and whipped out her Sidekick 3. She logged into MSN and started texting Katie.

_KoKoKURSE-hardxgorrre says_

_**omfg katiie whur thu fck arr yhoo?**_

Koko followed Benny across the field, tiptoeing in her high heels to avoid vole holes or cow pats. "What the fuuck?" she said.

"Just follow me."

"Okay. _Faggot_," she said under her breath as her Sidekick beeped.

_KatieKhemical-hardxRAWR says_

_**YOU FCKTARD! i wuzz in the middle of a sceneorgy dood, wtf is it??**_

_KoKoKURSE-hardxgorrre says_

_**omg br00tal man w/ max? the.sex.btw. anywu in a field in mid of nowhurr w/ tht faggot benny br00tal SOS**_

_KatieKhemical-hardxRAWR says_

_**!!WTF!! omgz he's ganna raape yhooo!**_

_KoKoKURSE-hardxgorrre says_

_**fck up shiztard. i gtg i'm a shed. gtg. kbai ox ox ox ox.**_

Koko signed out as they arrived at an old broken down shed. "So," Benny said, "you think you're pretty hardcore?"

"I know I'm pretty hardcore, fag."

"You ever messed around with black magic before?"

Koko shrugged, not admitting she was too scared to mess around with anything close.

"Come on," Benny said, opening the door of the shed, "I'm gonna show you something pretty hardcore."

"You're a real scenefag, you know that? Urrgghh, WTF! What's that smell?" Koko said, hand over her mouth.

"You'll get used to it."

"You are such a fucking hippy, dood. Ohmygawd, what is this? It's disgusting in here..."

Benny shook his head. "You seem like a pretty rad girl..."

"Thanxx."

"Uhh...wanna do something pretty rad then?"

"Okay. I guess."

"I'm gonna make you the most br00tal cosmo ever..." Benny said and started mixing up herbs and spices in with Bacardi and some silver dust.

"Is it ready yet?" Koko said while checking her Myspace.

"Yeah," Benny said and handed her the glass, "Make a wish."

"Okayy... for you, fag... I... wish I was a scene pirate. LOLz!" she said sarcastically and downed the cosmo in one.

Koko hit the floor and didn't come too for quite some time...

But when she did, she was almost certain she could smell sea air.

"What the fuuuckkk, guyys..."

**Alrighty then. First chapter, quite stupid with a lot of 'scene/web lingo'. Shawking. So yeah, review for me pleaseness and we'll see where this goes, shall we? Okay.**

**Bai.**


	2. WTFF!

**A.N.: First of allio, I would like to thank specially Space Potato for her awesomenesses in 8 ways review - don't worry. I hate scene people too... they're all bollockseseses.**

**Next, I decided to do a second chappy! YAYYYYYYYYYYYness, etc. **

**The last thing - said it once, will say it again, I don't own POTC. Or Jack's balls, unforch... Fucking hell, what are you doing lazing about like a goose? Go read, you plum duff! GO! **

**KTHNXBAI. LOL. I am so foohny.**

**CHAPTER TWO**

**WTFF?!**

Koko Kurse - real name Kate Kenderson - was born and raised in sunny Orlando, Florida. She was normal up til the age of 13 when she started becoming obsessed with the internet and the 'scene' epidemic. Her best friend, Kate Maxwell, followed in her transformation from regular teenager to explicit hardxgore scene queen. Kate used to be a good girl, never smoked or drank, hardly ever went out. So did her easily-influenced best friend. But after they became scene, every night it's Bacardi, fags and perhaps the occasional joint live on Stickam from Koko's house.

Kate decided to forget who she was before and become a scene model. Although she claims it's overrated, she most desired to become a Trashy Life model like Audrey Kitching or Zui Suicide. Her parents have gotten to the point where they have little to do with her and she has little to do with them. It's just the way it was.

Kate lived a pretty rad scene life - she was pretty popular at school amongst the emos, moshers and other scenesters. There was a suprising amount among the student population of that school. But Kate hardly ever went anymore. She believed she didn't need any education if she was going to become a model. Her life was cool, she was rad and her hair was big. She had no worries. She spoke like they all spoke - in a bratty pissed off hardly bothered to move my face net speak way. It was all good.

Until now.

Koko Kurse was about to get a very big wake up call...

She sat up with great difficulty - her hair was weighing her down. It was unusually heavy today... Her eyes weren't even open to take in the shock in her surroundings. She rubbed them and opened them to see where she was...probably still in that shed...

Her eyes flickered open and her delicate little hand placed itself on her..._sopping wet hair._

Not only that but when her eyes focused properly she could see she was surrounded by a ring of grubby men in old school clothes.

Needless to say, the girl screamed blue murder.

"OHMIIIGAAAWWDD!" she said, not sure whether she should get up or just squish into a smaller ball on the...wooden floor? No... what?

She simply sat there with her hair dripping in total shock mode. All the dirty old men were just leering at her. She looked down at her soaked clothes - tutu, Porcelain and The Tramps band t-shirt, fishnets, heels, about fifty billion plastic accessories...

She looked around her and simply screamed "WHATTTHEFUUCK!!"

Suddenly, someone shouted, "CAP'N'S ON DECK!" and all the men retreated into a straight line, quick as a flash.

Koko looked around her... she appeared to be on some vintage pirate ship...pretty hardxcore, but pretty fucking scary.

Then she saw a figure a pair of leather boots walking towards her with a swagger. Koko's eyes gradually scanned up to the face of the figure... _scenexgore_ was the first thing she thought when she took in his features. His hair was in dreads under a tri-corner pirate hat. His face was tanned, his eyes were lined in kohl. His beard was in two little plaits as well...but his face was threatening. It looked to Koko like he was the leader or captain or whatever...

He looked into her eyes and held her gaze for a minute, then turned to his crew.

"So..." he said, and pointed to Koko,"What's that?"

Everyone just looked at him. Then one of the grubby dudes, a tall one with a weird eye, raised his hand.

"Uhhh...you," the captain fella said.

"Er, that- that's a woman, sir," he said.

"Well, no," the captain said in a cockney accent, "Not really a woman, is she? More of a girl by cause of her girlish features. If she was a woman she would most obviously not be rolled in a ball on the deck of _my ship_ which leads me _directly _to the question of _why the bloody 'ell is she here_?"

"We found her afloat on the sea, sir," a short guy who looked like a badger said, "We hauled her in - out of pure pity more than anything."

"You should know that pity gets one no where in the world, Master Gibbs," Captain McDude said and looked down at Koko, "We _really_ ought to stop rescuing random women from the middle of the ocean. One of these days someone's going to get pregnant..." He held a tanned hand out to the shaking Koko to help her up. She just looked at it, not sure to take it or not. This went on for a few moments, until Captain McDude decided to haul her upwards by her frail shoulders. He just took a few moments, along with the rest of his crew, to stare at her and what she was wearing. They looked half horrified half amused.

Koko just stood there, more self concious than she had ever been in her life, feeling wet and stupid - she almost wished she wasn't in scene gear at all... she'd have prefered to have been naked. Okay, well that's an over exaggeration, but you get the picture.

Anyway, Captain McDude suddenly came over to her and grabbed one of her bright blue hair extentions and yanked at it. It came out with one tug.

McDude just looked at it with a confused expression.

"I think your hair might be falling out, love," he said and scanned her up and down before asking, "What's your name?"

"K-K-K-Ka..." she stammered. She took a deep breath and thought, _hey, if you're as hardcore as you say you are, then tell him your scene name, fag_.

"Koko Kurse," she said quietly.

"What?"

"Koko Kurse, fag," she said and rolled her eyes... Well, her attitude was back anyway.

Captain McDude's brown eyes took on an angry look.

"_What_ was that, love?"

She stopped with the attitude. "Nothing," she breathed.

"Alright. One more time; what's your name?"

"It's Koko Kurse, " she said clearly.

"Koko Kurse... that's interesting," he said, "Where are you from Koko Kurse?"

"Uhmmm... Orlando?" she said, folding her arms over her chest.

"Orlando? That's a name, isn't it?"

"Well, yeah... but it's a place in America... I live there."

"Never heard of it. What's it like?" he asked, looking more confused than ever.

"Oh. Well, it's pretty rad, I guess."

"Uhhhh... do you all dress like _that_ there?"

"What? Oh, scene? Well, kinda. There's only a few real scenexgore girls and dudes around, it's mostly just scenesters..."

"What?"

"Uh...Do you all dress like that out here?"

"Errr...yeah."

"Uhmm, where are we, anyway?"

"Somewhere near Tortuga, ideally."

"Uhmm... do you think my Sidekick will get coverage out here?"

"Your _what_? Sideflick?"

"Uh-uh. _Sidekick_, dood."

Captain McDude blinked. "What's a Sidekick?"

"Uhmm, it's like a cell phone with a computer in it," Koko said, tossing her hair.

"A _what_ with a _what_ in it?"

Koko was confused. "A cell phone. You know - ring ring. With a computer. You know, for going on Myspace and MSN and shit."

"What's a Myspace?" Captain McDude asked.

"_Dood_... Wait. What year is it?" Koko asked.

"Err...1725."

"_WTFF?!_"

And with that, Koko Kurse blacked out. Again.

This time, instead of Koko being woken up with a massive head ache, she was woken up with a bucket of water in the face.

"I tell you, that always works," Captain McDude said as he got on his knees to speak to Koko, "Are you awake now?"

"Uhhhhhhh..." Koko said, and sat up, feeling groggy as, "I guess so."

She looked around. It looked like she was lying on the floor in some kind of anicent jail place.

"Where am I...?" she asked.

"Brig," McDude said.

"Who's that?"

McDude looked more confused than ever - and that was quite difficult.

"What are you, Miss Koko Kurse? Because I'm beginning to feel rather curious."

"Ummm... Huh?"

"I must say, you're very strange..."

"Thanks..." she said, "Who're you?"

McDude looked like he had been expecting this question. He...probably had, but anyway.

"My name is Captain Jack Sparrow, dear," he smiled. _Whoa..._ Koko thought, _he's pretty damn hawt..._

"Rad," she said, fluttering her long-as eyelashes.

"I'm... sure it is," Captain Jack said, looking fairly disturbed by this point, "So, Koko, what I'm going to do is keep you in here because you're quite scary and could pose a threat... I doubt that though. But there's no room for you elsewhere, savvy?"

_Savvy..._ That flicked something off in Koko's head. She knew him - she'd seen him before! In that Disney shit! _Pirates of the Karishadans_!

"Hey, you're that dood from that movie!" she blurted out.

"One again, you're very frightening. Goodnight, love," he said, walked out of the cell and locked it behind him.

"Waiit! Come baack!" Koko called after him, "This is shizzed up."

She got out her Sidekick in some small hope she might get coverage and would be able to IM Katie.

The tiny pink thing was scratched all over and when Koko tried to turn it on, it just made a scary fizzy crackly noise that made her throw it across the room. "Jesus _Christ_! This is so sucky."

You're probably thinking by now that Koko is either disorientated and hasn't come to terms with the fact she's in the past yet or just plain retarded.

Well, it's a little from column A, a little from column B.

"Oh, fucking _fuck_, I'm so _hungry_..." she said under her breath, "This is so ass... ohhh my God."

She looked around for something to do, but there was nothing. She was in the middle of nowhere on an anicent pirate ship in something like a mini-jail, it was cold, wet and stinky and all her extentions were falling out. Not to mention her hair was near flat and going all wavy. Oh yeah, this was heaven! _Nottt._

Of course Koko was being a brat and really should have been looking for a way to get out of there quick smart, but the poor thing had neither the brains nor the energy, so what she did was curled up on the wet floor for a little sleepie.

She woke up fifteen minutes later with a headache.

For the next three hours all she did was sing Bring Me The Horizon and You Me At Six songs out of tune until that man who looked like a badger came down with some weird looking bread and a bowl of water for her.

"Uh, excuse me," she said and it was a shock - she wasn't used to being polite, "Where are we going?"

"Tortuga, miss," he said, "We should be there in about another few hours or so. You try and keep quiet til then."

"Okay... uhm, do you have any, like, Coke or nachos or anything?"

He shook his head and left.

Koko began absent mindedly chewing on her weird bread. She spat it out almost instantly.

"Ew! This is fucking stale!"

Koko basically spent the next three hours carving stuff into the wet wood wall with the kirby grip on the back of the massive bow she had in her hair.

The wall now said things like 'OLLiE SYKeS TEH SEXXXX' and 'KoKoKURSE-hardxgorre' and 'TRSHY LiFE' and 'GUNGUNBANGBANG' and 'RAWWRRR i'M A DiNO'. It also had some fairly bad drawings of Gloomy Bear on the wall. She admired her handiwork.

Captain Jack (or Captain Sexxxxxgore as Koko now thought of him - and wrote on the wall) and that Badger Man came down to the brig to escort her out of it.

"What happened to the wall?" Jack asked while Badger Man let her out of the cell.

"Dunno," Koko shrugged innocently, "So where are we now?"

"Tortuga," Jack said and smirked, "The filthiest, most notorious pirate port in the Caribbean."

"_Br00tal._"

**Ha ha! KADOW! Well, there you have it. Jack interacting with a scene girl. Don't worry, there won't be any OC romances.**

**Unless you have some to suggest.**

**If so, shove it in the auld review there and I'll see what I can do.**

**Now GO FORTH and REVIEWETH.**

**Ehh... now.**


	3. CAPTAIN MCSEXXXXXXXXX

**Sorry about the delay, but I had to study for summer exams! Fuckshiza. Oh, Christ. Chapter three - Jack's POV. OK, this might not be exactly **_**good**_**, but try and cope if you can. Flame it if needs be... Errr...**

**Disclaimer: I don't own this, and I don't own TGI Friday's either. But what can you do. **

**CHAPTER THREE**

**CAPTAIN MCSEXXXXX **

Jack Sparrow had been through a lot of captives, stowaways and hostages in his time.

They were usually blond or brunette with big innocent hazel eyes. They were usually hour-glass shaped. They usually came from a regal background. They usually knew how to handle a sword.

They usually were _not _called Koko Kurse.

Jack quite honestly did not know what to make of Koko. She was literally the most exotic thing he had ever seen in his life. She looked as if she was in about her mid teens... 15 or 16. She talked with an odd accent he'd never heard before. And her _hair_... well, er, that was something else. A spiky black cornucopia of colour. That seemed to be falling out.

Over ten women were crowded around him in the Faithful Bride, but Koko caught his eye as she was pulling out her own hair. All the colours of the rainbow, it was... pink, blue, green, yellow, red, purple...

And what the girl was wearing. You wouldn't even catch the most notorious strumpet in it. A tiny mesh skirt, fishnet stockings, multicoloured crocodile skin high heels and a black shirt type thing what bore the words 'Porcelain and the Tramps'. Jack had no idea what it meant either. She also wore a necklace with a skull and crossbones charm. Curious...

He was, for once in his life, at a loss for words.

"Jackie..." a blonde who was perched on his knee said, "You're so quiet tonight..."

"What? Eh?" he said, snapped out of his thoughts, "Oh... I've had a bit of a shock... I could use some more rum, though."

He smiled at the blonde and she hopped off his knee to fetch him some more alcohol.

"You alright, Koko?" he asked the girl.

"Huh?" she said in that strange accent, "Uh, yeah, I guess I'm okay."

"You fancy some rum?"

"What...?" she said, looking confused, "Umm... Is there any Bacardi?"

Jack blinked.

"I'm...not even going to bother trying to answer that," he said, "I'm gonna get you a drink. You stay there... and don't pull anymore of your hair out. It's...getting a bit frightening."

Jack pushed through the other women who followed him to the bar. He took no notice. He was used to it. There was only one or two of the crowd he'd even consider taking up to a room. It'd probably happen, Koko or no Koko.

Jack returned to the table with two rums, one of which he slid over to Koko. She eyed it suspiciously.

"Drink up, love," Jack said to her, "It'll calm you down a bit, perhaps."

Of course, Jack hadn't bought her a drink just for the sake of buying her a drink. He still wasn't sure what to think of her - as a captive, friend, enemy... He intended to get her loosened up enough so that she would tell him all he needed to know. Now, before you think that darling Jack would be in the mind of getting intimate with poor Koko - you had better stop right now. He was twice her age and about five times her mind - she knew nothing, he knew everything... This all sounds too wrong... But no. There was no chance of him getting into Koko Kurse's mesh skirt.

Case closed.

Koko took a sip of her rum and Jack could quite literally hear her shuddering. He smiled over at her.

"Welcome to the Tortuga, love."

Koko smiled nervously back.

Poor girl. Obviously didn't know what was going on. Anyway, Koko gradually got used to the taste of the rum and downed it pretty quickly. Then another. Then another. Then another, and so on... Soon enough she was tipsy enough to repell most of the women with her odd drabblings.

"Ohh maii Gawwd, Jack... like... Rawr..." she said, her arms draped around him. The blonde who'd lingered around earlier was determined to go to bed with Jack, so she hung about and pretended to be as drunk as Koko.

Jack just sat there, smiling smugly, enjoying the attention despite himself.

"You're sooo hardcore, dude... sooo _fucking brootal..._ I mean, you're so awesome..." she said into his ear, "I mean... I totally miss home but this is pretty _raaaaad_... ohhhh mai gawsh..."

"Where's home?" he asked.

"I told you, dude," she said, "The fucking brootal streets of _Orrrlandoooo_! You gotta come there... I mean seriousss... It's so awesome..." Koko started tugging at his dreads. "I could totally fuck this up for you... I mean, extentions and some fringe... It'd be _so _rad... Like Jeffree Star style... xgorrrree."

"You got any mates round 'ere, Koko?" Jack asked. By now, the blonde was getting pretty bored and started sighing a lot, but Jack didn't care - he needed to probe his teenager.

"Nooo... I ain't never been here before... unless... hey," she said, tapping the blonde on the arm, "Heyy."

"_What_?" she asked sharply, obviously annoyed.

"You on Myspace?"

"Ughh... Fuck this!" she said and stormed off.

"Baii!" Koko waved, "Bai. Hmph. She wasn't trés gore fun, was she?"

"Nah, forget her," Jack said, "What year were you born?"

"Uhh... '92."

"What?"

"1992. I'll be..." she counted on her fingers, "sixteen in September."

"Are you telling the truth or just an elevated version of the truth?"

"Uh. The... first one."

"So... you're telling me you're from the future?"

Koko nodded. "Uh huh."

Jack just stared at her, speechless again. He couldn't believe this... she was actually from the future. There was one thing he _had _to ask her.

"So... am _I _still around in your time?"

Koko nodded vigorously, "Oh hell yeah. There's like action figures and posters of you everywhere, dude. You're pretty much famous."

Jack smiled then asked, "What's an action figure?"

"Like a doll kinda..."

"You're kind of odd, you future folk."

"I know, right? It's rad."

"Yes. Yes, I suppose it is."

The next morning Jack awoke with a horrible suprise.

He was lying there, topless, under the bed sheets... and there was Koko at the end of the bed, wide awake, her bright brown eyes staring - she was fully clothed, mind.

"Thank fucking God," she said monotonely, "I didn't know when you were gonna wake up." The girl's eyeliner was smudged around her eyes and her clothes were crumpled. She was rubbing a finger along her pink, slightly chapped lips. "You got any Chapstick?"

Jack flopped back down on the bed. "Tell me we're in a rented room. Please," he said, his voice slightly hoarse, "and not where I think we are."

"Fuck no, dood, we're back on the boat," Koko said. Jack sat up and gave her a look. Koko blinked. "Uh, sorry. Ship? The Black...thing. Bead."

"Pearl," he said, lying down again.

"Hey, hey! Don't you fuckin' go back to sleep again, dood," she said, clambering up the bed and lying beside him. She propped her head on his bare tanned shoulder.

"What happened last night?" Jack asked, feeling awkward and a little rigid at the head on his person.

"I'm suprised you don't remember and I do... Okay, so we left the bar thing -" "Tavern." "Uh, right and you dragged me back onto the ship and in here and we just started talking shit for hours basically and you took off your shirt and went to sleep and I was like, 'KTHNXBAI' and then I went to sleep and that pretty much finishes it up to here."

"Oh!" Jack said, relieved he didn't nail her without knowing, "Well, that's perfectly peachy then. I'd best get up, love. Do you mind removing your head from my person?"

Koko rolled over on the bed... a little too far, she fell right off the edge.

"FUCKIN' SHIT!" she shrieked.

"You don't have very excellent balance, do you?"

"Uh...what?"

Jack shook his head. "Never mind, love."

Jack noticed that Koko had taken to following him around everywhere - something he wasn't particularly enthusiastic about. She kept trying to tell him about some kind of organisation that she wanted to become involved in... Trashy Life, or something. He just nodded along and pretended to understand what she was talking about because he couldn't understand a word under that heavy monotone accent. Jack soon realised, to his utter disappointment, that Koko was absolutely no use to him - she didn't have any wealthy relations so that he could hold her for ransom. She didn't have any maps to treasure hidden about her person... he was _sure _of that. And she was, unfortunately, utterly and completely braindead stupid. Jack decided that he'd have to put up with her until he found someone else to dump her on. He hardly had a moment to himself to figure out a scheme to get some...stuff. He thought that even being around Koko had slightly retarded him.

"I mean, it's not like I really ever _wanted _to be Myspace famous... It was just something that kinda happened. I the reason that I get so many friends and get invites from so many vanity groups is that I'm, like, subconciously stunning... you know, like, I just don't actually know it yet. D'you get me?" she drawled at Jack as he stood behind the wheel of the Black Pearl.

"Eh, yeah, yeah, absolutely," he muttered.

"OMFG, we, like, totally connect," she said in that same irritating monotone, "Now, that's fucking brootal... So, what do you think me becoming, like, a techno star? I mean, I don't have much of a singing voice, but I guess that I could try, um, like _talk_-singing or something. Like, uh, rapping. You know? Because I think that I was born to be a techno star... I mean, like I got glitter _in_ my blood. I mean, it's not like a lot of people are-"

Koko was thankfully interrupted by Gibbs, who announced to Jack, "There be a ship comin' our way on the horizon."

"Well, TFG," Jack said, whipping out his telescope and peering through it, "Ahh... crack out the brandy and the good china, Mr. Gibbs. I believe we have guests."

**Alright, fair enough, short chapter. Sorry sorry sorry again about the wait, but I was working on another fic, a better one that this. I'm just going to toy about with this for a while, so don't expect any long epic chapters. Just wait for my next fic, because it WILL be good. Also, please please please check out my one-shot, **_**Aprés Moi**_**. It's POTC too. Okay, thankies, drrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I'm going now bai.**

**ohx ohx ohx ohx ohx ohx ohx ohx ohx ohx. ohx. boo shaka laka.**


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